Supporting a patient’s family and friends

An admission to intensive care disrupts not only the life of the person who is critically ill, but also the lives of those closest to them, who are on the front line and may take turns at the bedside day after day.

Faced with worry, sadness and a loss of familiar bearings, family caregivers often carry a heavy emotional burden while devoting much of their attention and energy to the patient. In these circumstances, keeping up with everyday responsibilities can become extremely difficult, or even impossible.

If you know someone in this situation, you may feel a strong desire to offer practical or emotional support, yet still feel overwhelmed yourself or unsure how best to help. The people who support family caregivers play a vital role in helping them cope, especially during the first few days and when the hospital stay is prolonged. They can become a real source of strength at a difficult time, giving caregivers the encouragement and energy they may need to look after both their loved one and themselves.

This section offers practical suggestions and guidance for supporting a caregiver. Every situation is different, so the most helpful first step is to ask the person what would make things easier for them. Simply listening can already be an enormous source of support.

And above all…

Thank you for everything you are doing.

Practical support

Becoming a family caregiver overnight when someone is admitted to intensive care can completely disrupt everyday life: travelling back and forth to the hospital, spending long hours at the bedside, coping with worry and losing familiar routines can be physically and emotionally exhausting.

Beyond the shock of the first few days, the whole of daily life may need to be reorganised, while personal, professional and family commitments fall into the background.

Shopping, cooking, cleaning, managing children’s activities or looking after pets can demand more energy than someone has available when they need to focus on their loved one.

One of the most useful ways to help a caregiver is therefore to offer practical support. Here are some things you might offer to do, depending on what feels manageable for you:

Travelling between home and hospital can be exhausting. Offering to drive caregivers to and/or from the hospital can be invaluable, particularly on the day they receive difficult news, when fatigue or shock may make driving unsafe.

If you live near the hospital, you could offer the caregiver somewhere to stay temporarily to make the journey easier. Even if they do not stay overnight, having a place to rest during the day and step away from the hospital environment can be very comforting.

If the caregiver has children, you could offer to take them to school or to their activities, or have them stay with you for an afternoon or overnight. As well as helping the parent or parents, this can preserve some normality for the children at a difficult time. It may also give the parents a brief opportunity to rest and look after themselves.

If the caregiver has a pet, you could offer to look after it: spend some time with it, feed or walk it, or even take it into your home temporarily if that is possible. This can make daily life much easier and reduce the guilt caregivers may feel when they cannot care for their pet as they usually would.

You can also offer help with everyday tasks, such as cleaning, tidying, shopping or preparing hot meals and dishes that are easy to freeze. After a long day at the hospital, knowing that a comforting meal is waiting at home, without having to shop or cook, can be a huge relief.

If the caregiver is comfortable with the idea, you could also offer to sit with the patient for a while in their place. This can give them time to focus on themselves or deal with urgent tasks, while easing the guilt they may feel about leaving their loved one alone.

Emotional support

If you would like to support a family caregiver, your presence alone—even from a distance—can be immensely valuable in helping them keep going. Listening to them and showing through small gestures that you are there can help them feel less alone in what they are going through.

You may instinctively feel very comfortable in this supportive role.

But you may also feel apprehensive about going to the hospital or being alone with someone facing such a difficult situation. You may worry that you will not know what to say or find the right words. You may feel lost or powerless, wonder what place you have in their experience, or fear that you are being intrusive. Ultimately, you may worry that you will be more of a burden than a comfort.

These feelings are entirely understandable. The situation is difficult for everyone, and making yourself available to a caregiver takes courage. There are no perfect words: the comfort you provide will often come simply from being there and helping them feel supported.

The most important thing is to remain open. You can ask whether they would like you to visit—at the hospital, at home or somewhere outside—or whether they need some time to themselves. Remember that they are likely to be tired. It may be best to keep visits fairly short, especially if you notice signs of fatigue.

For example, you could send a brief message from time to time to let them know you are thinking of them or ask whether they need anything.

You could also offer to meet them at the hospital. Caregivers often spend long periods in the ICU waiting room, particularly while the patient is receiving care or undergoing tests. A familiar presence can bring warmth and reassurance at times when thoughts begin to race and anxiety builds.

Depending on what they would prefer, you might also suggest spending a little time away from the hospital, perhaps over a coffee or on a short walk. When you are together, ask whether they would like to talk about what they are going through or would rather discuss something completely different. You might bring them a few updates from the “outside world”, mutual friends or ordinary life, or suggest an activity that could give them a brief change of scene, such as going to the cinema.

More generally, ask directly what they need or would like, and keep listening—especially to their fears and concerns. You do not have to offer solutions. Giving them a safe space in which to speak freely is already a powerful form of support and can help release the intense emotions that may build up over a day in intensive care. Continue to check in from time to time, as their needs may change.

Céline’s story
Receiving help and support

When an employee or colleague is supporting a loved one in intensive care

An employee may be going through the ordeal of having someone close to them admitted to intensive care. If this happens, there are several practical ways in which you can support them:

First, consider offering your employee a confidential conversation that acknowledges how difficult the situation is and lets them know you are attentive to their particular needs during this period. You can also identify a named contact—yourself, a manager, a member of human resources or the occupational health service—so that they know whom to approach if the situation becomes too difficult to manage. You may also wish to tell them about French family solidarity leave (congé de solidarité familiale), which may allow them to devote their time to their loved one if they choose.

Wherever possible, greater flexibility around working hours is especially helpful for caregivers. They often need time and flexibility to be at their loved one’s bedside while continuing to manage work and responsibilities at home. Allowing them to work remotely can also help them organise their time and reduce both travel and the fatigue caused by repeated journeys, which can be substantial during this difficult period.

If circumstances allow, temporarily reducing the employee’s workload can give them the space they need to regain their footing during a period of major upheaval, particularly in the first few days or weeks.

Where appropriate and with the employee’s agreement, it may also help to inform their manager and team so that colleagues understand the challenges they are facing and the possible impact on their work. This can open a discussion about flexibility—for example, postponing meetings or deadlines—sharing some of their tasks, or even donating days of leave within the team. You can also share resources such as LifeMapp to help colleagues understand what an admission to intensive care may involve.

Support the employee’s gradual return to work, especially after a prolonged absence. Remember that discharge from hospital does not necessarily mark the end of the difficulties: returning home is often a demanding period for caregivers.

Finally, if the caregiver is your colleague rather than your employee, offer to listen, raise the situation with your managers where appropriate, and share this resource with them. Small gestures can make a real difference.